CREATE YOURSELF A HAPPY LIFE!

In spite of what many people think, happiness does not just "happen."   It takes work...sometimes hard work.  Some people are oblivious as to why they are unhappy and are jealous of other people who appear to be happy.  While I have suffered many hardships in my life, as a result of some of my bad choices, the consequences of the bad choices of others, and simple fate, I have learned to be happy in the middle of unhappy circumstances, thanks in part to God and my grandmother's influence in my early formative years.  No, I am not crazy...well...maybe just a little.

What has brought about my ramblings for this blog?  Well, yesterday I spent the afternoon at the home of Vicki, my youngest daughter.  She has been married to Lee for about twenty three years and they have a twenty one year old daughter named Ashton.  They are a very happy family.  Do they have problems?  Of course, but they all work together to resolve them. 

Almost from the beginning of their marriage, Vicki and Lee made a commitment, whether it was conscious or unconscious is unknown, to have a happy marriage and to create a happy life for themselves.  This philosophy also included the way they raised Ashton.  While their lives are too complex to go into on this blog, they have had plenty of problems but have struggled to do like the old Johnny Mercer song which says, "eliminate the negative and accentuate the positive."

This "happy pursuit" has required a serious commitment from all of them.  They are all committed to God which helps.  Vicki works as an elementary school teacher which needs no explanation, Lee works in a plant that is fraught with poor working conditions, and Ashton is a senior at the University of Alabama where the courses do not come easy.

Yesterday, my daughter and her family "cooked out" for Lee's parents and myself.  It took quite a bit of effort on their part.  They wanted to do things for us that would make us happy.  It worked.  This made them happy in return.

Lee's father did own 100 acres of land but gave Lee and Vicki five acres to build a beautiful home on, leaving him with a mere 95 acres.  Vicki, Lee and Ashton own a "souped up" camouflaged golf cart.  Vicki, Ashton and I rode over the 100 acres, winding through narrow trails, making sure that one of their dogs could keep up with us, checked out the small pond/lake, stopped and fed the fish some food, coached the dog out of the water, and continued on to the huge lake where Vicki is running into resistance in trying to convince Lee to build a gazebo overlooking the lake.  The property is heavily wooded with every kind of tree imaginable, thick with underbrush of all kinds of trees and liberally sprinkled with other kinds of plants.  Lee has a large "feeding station" set up in the middle of the land to feed some of the animals.  It is an absolute "wonderland of nature."

Later, the three of them set off fireworks in their front yard.  Many years ago, my late husband started a tradition in our family of taking all of the children, and later the grandchildren, to a fireworks place every fourth of July to buy everything they wanted.  I never asked what he spent but you can bet that he spent plenty.  Under supervision, when they were old enough, he allowed the children to set off a lot of the fireworks, saving the more dangerous ones for the adults.  Lee swears that he was the one chosen to set the dangerous ones off and he could be right.  Maybe it is because he is 6'5" tall, weighs 275 lbs. and looks tough.  Actually, he is a "teddy bear" inside.  He might also have a faulty memory too.

There was always more laughing going on during the Fourth of July event than there were fireworks being shot into the air.  Every year, one of my daughter-in-laws would suggest that we should all go to one of the mammoth fireworks displays in town but she was always met with outrageous howls of disagreement from all of the grandkids.  My children and grandchildren will remember my husband for a lot of good things he did for them, but our Fourth of July celebrations will be high on their list.

Lee has great parents and love their children very much. I think Lee's parents also enjoyed the fireworks although they did not have the same traditions surrounding the Fourth of July as we did. Lee stated that he had never been in a fireworks place until yesterday. His family always went to a local community that had the mammoth displays.

After my husband died and I moved to the island, each year they have come down here to watch the fireworks display put on by the town of Dauphin Island.  Due to the oil spill, the display was canceled this year and that is why my daughter's family has now started their own tradition for the Fourth of July.

As I drove back to Dauphin Island afterwards, which is a 1-1/2 hour drive, it gave me plenty of time to think.  My husband and I made some mistakes when our children were growing up, but one of the things I am proud of is that we taught our children how to have fun.  We took them on vacation trips, camped out at interesting sites, taught them how to water ski, took them hunting and fishing, and more.  We always tried to inject the major holidays with plenty of fun.

We lived in two houses where we had swimming pools.  Our children, grandchildren, and all of their friends spent many happy hours screaming and laughing in our pools.  At one of our houses, one of my sons knew that he had to be home by a certain time.  He would obey that order but bring tons of friends home with him and they would wake us up laughing and talking while swimming in the pool after midnight.

I have been through a lot of hardships in my life and have always tried to rise above the circumstances to create a happy life for all of my family.  One of my efforts included serving a big Sunday dinner, every Sunday, with all of the trimmings.  During a particularly hard time in our lives, I found myself going overboard to bring some joy into our stressful lives.  Among other things, one time I foolishly spent a ton of money, which we really could not afford, to buy three dogs for my girls and my daughter-in-law.  Pets can bring a lot of joy into a person's life.

Once, when I was working as a registered nurse, I worked for hours preparing my usual Sunday dinner with all the trimmings and then went to work afterwards  I worked as a "float" at that time, which meant I had no idea what unit I would be working on before I arrived at the hospital.  I was scheduled to pull a double, from 3:00 in the afternoon to 7:00 in the morning.  This one particular time, I remember standing in front of the scheduler's desk and was thinking to myself, "I can't do this.  I simply can't do this.  I am absolutely too exhausted.  I'll never make it."

But I did and it was one of many times when I left the hospital with my chest and both arms hurting so badly that I could hardly stand it and I would pray to God, "Please God, I don't want to go back into that hospital.  I am sick of that hospital.  I want to go home."  The point I am making is that "creating a happy life" for yourselves and others may require that someone goes "way beyond the call of duty" to create happiness.  I might have half-killed myself, but the Sunday dinners served as a symbol of "everything is okay" and we will get through this difficult time eventually.  I mentioned something about me being a little crazy earlier in this piece...so you see what I mean.

I mentioned my grandmother early on.  I learned how to "create a happy life" from watching my grandmother on my mother's side.  She had very little money because my grandfather was a "vegetable truck farmer" which put them at the poverty level.  You would never know it because my grandmother worked very hard to provide a pretty and happy home for her children.  During her lifetime, she suffered from many hardships, including the murder of one of her children, but she always "rebound" from the hardship and came back fighting.  Sometimes, you have to literally "fight" to have a happy life but it is always worth it.

In case I have not made myself clear in this blog...its like this...the pursuit of fame and fortune to obtain happiness sometimes turns out to be a meaningless endeavor...the way to create yourself a happy life is to create happiness in other people's lives and you will automatically be blessed with happiness yourself in return.  

Everyone would benefit from linking to this pdf article, which is both humorous and stuffed to capacity with intellectual advice, and is written by a writer for writers but works for everyone who seeks a happy life:
http://www.patriciamclinn.com/pdf_articles/positive.pdf